I recently went through a bout of being down. The emotional high I experienced in Fiji was immediately dampered by a stark look at myself here in New Zealand. I came here to run basketball camps. I've done some coaching, mostly at affluent schools, but realize when I won this scholarship this is not what I envisioned. What I envisioned was what I experienced in Cape Town, no scratch that what I experienced in Khaylitsha, a township banished to the outskirts of the city. A place close enough to have people come into the city and work if their labor was needed, but far enough for those in the city to be ignored.

Well it was on a visit with Hoops4Hope that I realized that basketball was a legitimate way to visit these places and offer something I love to people who have basically been ignored, been pushed to the side, been stripped of oppurtunity. I realize that basketball is a way to offer people something more than what they had before. The previous sentence sounds simplistically stupid, I know I've read it four times already, but recognize that I know basketball isn't going to change the systematic oppression a population faces, yet it can be a channel that can be utilized to build confidence and maybe even community. So I repeat, that basketball way is a way to offer people something more than they had before. I know sport can provide confidence for an individual who rarely recieves compliments and provide a sense of community that has otherwise been mangled by alcohol and violence. However, Rotary did not send me to South Africa, I don't have the oppurtunity to work in Soweto, instead I am in Ponsonby, New Market and Papakura. I recognize that there is work to be done, there is always work to be done, but I also recognize my ability, and that I can put myself in positions that most cannot.

I enjoy as much privilege as anyone. I am white-male-hetero-sexual-english speaking-catholic and tall. I mean what more could I possibly ask for. I fall out of bed and know that I'm not going to be made fun of for the way I speak, not going to be touched in a manner I don't want to be, not going to be feared by the people I walk by. Its with this privilege that I still struggle to understand daily, that I recognize my whole life I've lived very selfishly. I rarely care for persons more than I care for myself. I've been focused entirely on improving my lot. Some would applaud saying I am driven and I would not disagree. However, I am now beginning to realize the people I may have ignored, because I wasn't sure I had enough to help. The friends I ignored when they attempted to share something with me that they had rarely shared before, but I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't even hear them. I saw this scholarship as finally my chance to legitimize the motto I have lived much of my life by, "I will help people once I have a means to help them. I can choose to help people now and offer them peanuts or I can further myself and offer them steak." I only now realize the fallaciousness of this argument. You can't choose to help people later. You either help them then or you don't. Choosing not to help in certain instances hasn't allowed me to focus more on myself and gain more personally. It's only made me selfish. I could help others and still further myself. It may not be easy, but you can do whatever you want. That doesn't mean you can dunk if you are 5'2", it means that you can play basketball and go to school. I played basketball in college and went to school. I don't even think its really an achievement, but people always ask, how did you find time? Well easy I played basketball from 4:00 to 7:00 and then had the other 21 hours to do everything else. My studies didn't suffer because I had a three hour a day time commitment. Just like they wouldn't have suffered if I listened to my friend just a little bit closer instead of listening to the song playing in the background.

My chance to help people is now. My chance to help people will hopefully be later as well. I even hope I am a better position with more resources at my disposal when I help people in my future, but I know now that it is my time to do what I can do. The time is now. As D-Hubb said, "Stop bein a spectator, get in the game." I may not be in South Africa, but I can do work here. I can also look for oppurtunities in the future to do more work. Helping is both now and later, just make sure you're doing something now because your kidding yourself if you say oh I'll do it later. HOLLA

Longest Day

aight so today has man been a day that never came into focus. I went through the motions tryin to regain some semblance of a routine, but somehow didn't approach those things with the same passion I normally do. While coaching i felt like my energy had been zapped. I found myself only being able to rally up the energy for the kids in small doses, luckily I had a very capable coach with me who made up for my lack of energy, but why is that after a vacation you're more tired then when you left?

After coaching I had to argue about money, never a fun thing and although no blame should be shouldered by one party, its frusturating when the final aggreement makes neither party happy. Thats all I'm going to say on that subject because of its sensitivity to some readers.

After that I had a chat and a soda with my Rotary host who helped remind me of what my priorities should be my studies, basketball, then rotary and then the overarching concern now that I'm in the real world money- POMONA COLLEGE WAS NOT THE REAL WORLD, every meal prepared housing, electricity, internet, all taken care or. Oh how i miss those days.

Real spit though i got so much going on in my life at the moment and I dont know how to use this journal to best express those things.

1) My Girlfriend- enough said
2) School- I need a thesis topic and to begin researching- two possibilities
a) indigenous rights
b) or illegal human trafficking for sexual purposes
I'm leaning towards (b). Let me know if you have any thoughts

3) Basketball- I'm coaching little kids who I have a blast doing it but to no fault of there own they are not the population that I really want to coach, in that they are affluent. What an odd feeling, and where does that come from? Is it more noble to work with kids from impoverished communities? I'd say so, but then again why do I feel entitled to enter those communities and work for them. Is it a recognition that I can enter and should embrace that privilege, especially as one who grew up amongst an impoverished community. Really I have an oppurtunity here, to work with any population I want, but for the first time I have to seek out the impoverished community rather than starting there as I have and trying to break into the elite society. Its like from going from the city of Pomona to Pomona College I established myself as a person with ties to all the privileges that go to a prestigious university or college and now don't see myself as a poor kid workin hard to break into the rich kids club. Thats a first for me, I have this new feeling of having money but with it comes a complete change in how I define myself. I've always taken pride in being poor, because I knew I could achieve anything. Now I achieve something that gives me some money this scholarship and now I'm unsure how to define myself. I'm like a rapper who signs a record deal, do I lose all legitimacy now that I'm paid. Am I so departed from my community that I can't go back? I doubt that and would hate that if that was the case, but its just odd knowing on which side of the fence I'll lie. I guess the best thing is that I know with this new echelon of privilege I've pushed my way into I can actually begin to challenge this segment of the population to discuss why I shouldn't be painted as an example of the American Dream- one person overcoming odds- but rather one person who can see the odds and see why it screws thousands of people daily. OK squash that rant

This list may also reflect the first time basketball was not my first priority, another departure from how I've defined myself in the past. But thats another conversation.

Kobe

Okay so today I procrastinated my entire day away, while I should have been writing, I watched youtube videos, checked myspace, checked facebook, emails, even checked my own blog (yes its that hot), and one thing has stuck out. Well two things, Florida is that good, but the real thing is KOBE is that good. I hate opening up ESPN.com and seeing Dwayne Wade practiced, good for him. I've returned to practice many a times in my day and never recieved a collumn about it. I even hobbled through warm ups just to be a part of the game, now thats heart. No real spit though, mad props to Dwayne Wade he is great, he won his title did his thing, my only thing is KOBE is the truth. Why are we seeing headlines like McGrady carries team to victory with 24 points, while Kobe scores 43 in a win and its called dissapointing. P.S. I missed Kobe against Houston, but I heard he did not dissapoint. As I watched Kobe's highlights today though, you can't help but marvel at his basketball ability. Yes, to all the haters he's that good, even if you don't like him you know everytime he shoots you expect it to go in. You'd be foolish not too, he's made you feel dumbfounded one to many times to expect that shot not to drop. Thats it, till next time.