I recently went through a bout of being down. The emotional high I experienced in Fiji was immediately dampered by a stark look at myself here in New Zealand. I came here to run basketball camps. I've done some coaching, mostly at affluent schools, but realize when I won this scholarship this is not what I envisioned. What I envisioned was what I experienced in Cape Town, no scratch that what I experienced in Khaylitsha, a township banished to the outskirts of the city. A place close enough to have people come into the city and work if their labor was needed, but far enough for those in the city to be ignored.

Well it was on a visit with Hoops4Hope that I realized that basketball was a legitimate way to visit these places and offer something I love to people who have basically been ignored, been pushed to the side, been stripped of oppurtunity. I realize that basketball is a way to offer people something more than what they had before. The previous sentence sounds simplistically stupid, I know I've read it four times already, but recognize that I know basketball isn't going to change the systematic oppression a population faces, yet it can be a channel that can be utilized to build confidence and maybe even community. So I repeat, that basketball way is a way to offer people something more than they had before. I know sport can provide confidence for an individual who rarely recieves compliments and provide a sense of community that has otherwise been mangled by alcohol and violence. However, Rotary did not send me to South Africa, I don't have the oppurtunity to work in Soweto, instead I am in Ponsonby, New Market and Papakura. I recognize that there is work to be done, there is always work to be done, but I also recognize my ability, and that I can put myself in positions that most cannot.

I enjoy as much privilege as anyone. I am white-male-hetero-sexual-english speaking-catholic and tall. I mean what more could I possibly ask for. I fall out of bed and know that I'm not going to be made fun of for the way I speak, not going to be touched in a manner I don't want to be, not going to be feared by the people I walk by. Its with this privilege that I still struggle to understand daily, that I recognize my whole life I've lived very selfishly. I rarely care for persons more than I care for myself. I've been focused entirely on improving my lot. Some would applaud saying I am driven and I would not disagree. However, I am now beginning to realize the people I may have ignored, because I wasn't sure I had enough to help. The friends I ignored when they attempted to share something with me that they had rarely shared before, but I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't even hear them. I saw this scholarship as finally my chance to legitimize the motto I have lived much of my life by, "I will help people once I have a means to help them. I can choose to help people now and offer them peanuts or I can further myself and offer them steak." I only now realize the fallaciousness of this argument. You can't choose to help people later. You either help them then or you don't. Choosing not to help in certain instances hasn't allowed me to focus more on myself and gain more personally. It's only made me selfish. I could help others and still further myself. It may not be easy, but you can do whatever you want. That doesn't mean you can dunk if you are 5'2", it means that you can play basketball and go to school. I played basketball in college and went to school. I don't even think its really an achievement, but people always ask, how did you find time? Well easy I played basketball from 4:00 to 7:00 and then had the other 21 hours to do everything else. My studies didn't suffer because I had a three hour a day time commitment. Just like they wouldn't have suffered if I listened to my friend just a little bit closer instead of listening to the song playing in the background.

My chance to help people is now. My chance to help people will hopefully be later as well. I even hope I am a better position with more resources at my disposal when I help people in my future, but I know now that it is my time to do what I can do. The time is now. As D-Hubb said, "Stop bein a spectator, get in the game." I may not be in South Africa, but I can do work here. I can also look for oppurtunities in the future to do more work. Helping is both now and later, just make sure you're doing something now because your kidding yourself if you say oh I'll do it later. HOLLA

Economics of Tourism

Nothing is more disheartening than going to a place where there entire culture has been commodified. When traveling in Fiji, I experienced the luxuries of the Sofitel Hotel only to realize it was the most boring, least intellectually stimulating place to be on earth. Everything from the "Bula" (hello) to the smile is intended to make you feel relaxed, to hide the plight of this employee, who only can access this place as an employee. Imagine being a child in Nadi, Victoria Falls, or Montego Bay and seeing nothing but poverty surrounding you except foreigners on a leisurely vacation. How preverse a picture is that for a child? Not to mention when you compound that image of class privilege, with race (who's really travelling).

I get sick to my stomach going to cultural villages, because its the saddest form of interaction ever. People go thinking there gaining a knowledge of a culture when really they're paying money to see people sing and dance (shuck and jive). I'm not criticizing or belittling peoples art and culture, but arguing that the socio-economic position of these people leave them very little option to support themselves. Its not like people chose to sing and dance for you, its that they are in such a dire need for money to pay for basic human needs that they slang anything they got. We just happen to pay for a little song and dance and feel good about ourselves because were getting a glimpse at authentic ______ (fill in the blank) culture. HOLLA and IM OUT

The F- the I- the J- the I- Its FIJI (hold up)

Ok real spit yo boi needed something to really wake me up and I think I found it in Fiji. I attended a Rotary Conference that was suprisingly alright, but it my trip really didnt begin till the day after the conference ended.

Well first I met my main man from Pomona College, Tremor class of '02, rotary ambassadorial scholar of '04 who spent the year of the scholarship and the last 3 years at the University of South Pacific doin really big thangs- like water projects to provide fresh clean water to different villages. PS- shot out to the next generation of Pomona College graduates '07, I know you guys are going to hit the real world real hard, best of luck and congratulations.

So after spending the conference at resort (which I really find problematic- people say they've been to fiji and never left the premises of the Sofitel Resort if you feel me on this or disagree wit me leave a comment and we can converse) I went to perhaps one of the wealthiest families in Fiji's home to traveling to Yusama Village a place more reflective of the "real" fiji. The word real is poor diction on my part as it brings into play all kinds of notions of authenticity that I really want to avoid. The drawing out that I would like to stress is that I din not find myself in a place entirely set up to cater to my every whim on the basis of my money or more identifiably my skin. In Yusama I was welcomed into a home, offered fruit and introduced to a beautiful two year old baby. It was an experience that I fail to capture in words, but leaves you in solitude as you are paralyzed by the realization of the privileges you've taken for granted, while simultaneously warmed by the ability of people to interact.

I was honored after my trip to Yusama to visit a 26 acre sugar cane farm, where I was greeted with the warmest hug, I've recieved since leaving my mothers arms at the airport. They cut me a piece of sugar cane, and invited me back to work the harvest, an invitation I hope I can take up, as I'm unsure if I'll be able to even last one day. I'm attempting to finish this post after the fact, and realizing that I cannot capture the feelings being removed somewhat from it. The memory is with me, but not in the manner in which I can convey with words. So I shall publish...

Longest Day

aight so today has man been a day that never came into focus. I went through the motions tryin to regain some semblance of a routine, but somehow didn't approach those things with the same passion I normally do. While coaching i felt like my energy had been zapped. I found myself only being able to rally up the energy for the kids in small doses, luckily I had a very capable coach with me who made up for my lack of energy, but why is that after a vacation you're more tired then when you left?

After coaching I had to argue about money, never a fun thing and although no blame should be shouldered by one party, its frusturating when the final aggreement makes neither party happy. Thats all I'm going to say on that subject because of its sensitivity to some readers.

After that I had a chat and a soda with my Rotary host who helped remind me of what my priorities should be my studies, basketball, then rotary and then the overarching concern now that I'm in the real world money- POMONA COLLEGE WAS NOT THE REAL WORLD, every meal prepared housing, electricity, internet, all taken care or. Oh how i miss those days.

Real spit though i got so much going on in my life at the moment and I dont know how to use this journal to best express those things.

1) My Girlfriend- enough said
2) School- I need a thesis topic and to begin researching- two possibilities
a) indigenous rights
b) or illegal human trafficking for sexual purposes
I'm leaning towards (b). Let me know if you have any thoughts

3) Basketball- I'm coaching little kids who I have a blast doing it but to no fault of there own they are not the population that I really want to coach, in that they are affluent. What an odd feeling, and where does that come from? Is it more noble to work with kids from impoverished communities? I'd say so, but then again why do I feel entitled to enter those communities and work for them. Is it a recognition that I can enter and should embrace that privilege, especially as one who grew up amongst an impoverished community. Really I have an oppurtunity here, to work with any population I want, but for the first time I have to seek out the impoverished community rather than starting there as I have and trying to break into the elite society. Its like from going from the city of Pomona to Pomona College I established myself as a person with ties to all the privileges that go to a prestigious university or college and now don't see myself as a poor kid workin hard to break into the rich kids club. Thats a first for me, I have this new feeling of having money but with it comes a complete change in how I define myself. I've always taken pride in being poor, because I knew I could achieve anything. Now I achieve something that gives me some money this scholarship and now I'm unsure how to define myself. I'm like a rapper who signs a record deal, do I lose all legitimacy now that I'm paid. Am I so departed from my community that I can't go back? I doubt that and would hate that if that was the case, but its just odd knowing on which side of the fence I'll lie. I guess the best thing is that I know with this new echelon of privilege I've pushed my way into I can actually begin to challenge this segment of the population to discuss why I shouldn't be painted as an example of the American Dream- one person overcoming odds- but rather one person who can see the odds and see why it screws thousands of people daily. OK squash that rant

This list may also reflect the first time basketball was not my first priority, another departure from how I've defined myself in the past. But thats another conversation.

Still Alive

Hey Yall- I am still breathin despite jumpin off three bridges in the span of 5 days. P.S. I haven't sky dived yet! but will be doing so in the future, those pictures of me are of me harnessing up for a bungy jump. I'll give a more detailed account to everyone when I get back to auckland. One Love

Kobe

Okay so today I procrastinated my entire day away, while I should have been writing, I watched youtube videos, checked myspace, checked facebook, emails, even checked my own blog (yes its that hot), and one thing has stuck out. Well two things, Florida is that good, but the real thing is KOBE is that good. I hate opening up ESPN.com and seeing Dwayne Wade practiced, good for him. I've returned to practice many a times in my day and never recieved a collumn about it. I even hobbled through warm ups just to be a part of the game, now thats heart. No real spit though, mad props to Dwayne Wade he is great, he won his title did his thing, my only thing is KOBE is the truth. Why are we seeing headlines like McGrady carries team to victory with 24 points, while Kobe scores 43 in a win and its called dissapointing. P.S. I missed Kobe against Houston, but I heard he did not dissapoint. As I watched Kobe's highlights today though, you can't help but marvel at his basketball ability. Yes, to all the haters he's that good, even if you don't like him you know everytime he shoots you expect it to go in. You'd be foolish not too, he's made you feel dumbfounded one to many times to expect that shot not to drop. Thats it, till next time.

Hot Sauce i mean Hot Water

Holla from the Coramandel peninsula. Quiggs, Andrew, Kristen and Marta, drove about 2 hours to Coramandel Town which was probably about 140 kilometers then another 2 hours to Port Jackson which was probably about 60 kilometers of just gravel road. It didnt help that the car, named Donna- pronounced with a Norwegian accent, probably only had a couple of inches clearance from the ground since it was loaded with the 5 of us, plus our camping gear, plus clothes, plus food. Needless to say every ping and scrape sound made the 5 of us cringe worried the muffler was going to fall off poor Donna as we crawled along the street at less than 20 kph. I must say that Donna proved her worth again as she must have numerous times before being a 1988 Toyota Corona, that runs like Darren Collison (good run UCLA, Florida is that tough).

Anyways the long trip there was worth it as we spent the entire next day on the beach wandering around and takin in the fact we had this entire beach to ourselves. Sunday we spent pursuing a trail to hike as well as what we thought would be a brief stop to the Hot Water Beach. It turned to be another long drive and we ended up just spending the day on the Hot Water Beach. Now you may be asking what is a "Hot Water Beach?" Well theres a natural hot spring under ground that seeps up onto the beach right where the tide of the ocean comes up. Supposedly you can dig a whole and sit in it like a hot tub, we were there to late to accomplish that but we felt the hot water springs and they were scalding hot. We even sat in them for some time as the waves crashed on us and pushed us off them. But it was the first beach where I saw some solid waves. Waves that just crashed on you and you could dive under, not the measly waves of resort towns or resort beaches, but ones where if you can't swim you shouldn't be in the water. Note I did see some serious waves at Bethel Beach on the west coast outside of Auckland, but those waves were so ridiculous you could not swim in them.

This shall be my last post for a couple weeks at least as I'm headed for a two week tour of the South Island, which promises to have everything from Wine Tasting, Hiking to Bungy Jumping crammed into it. After which I'll come back attend a couple classes and leave for 5 days in Fiji, enough said.