Longest Day

aight so today has man been a day that never came into focus. I went through the motions tryin to regain some semblance of a routine, but somehow didn't approach those things with the same passion I normally do. While coaching i felt like my energy had been zapped. I found myself only being able to rally up the energy for the kids in small doses, luckily I had a very capable coach with me who made up for my lack of energy, but why is that after a vacation you're more tired then when you left?

After coaching I had to argue about money, never a fun thing and although no blame should be shouldered by one party, its frusturating when the final aggreement makes neither party happy. Thats all I'm going to say on that subject because of its sensitivity to some readers.

After that I had a chat and a soda with my Rotary host who helped remind me of what my priorities should be my studies, basketball, then rotary and then the overarching concern now that I'm in the real world money- POMONA COLLEGE WAS NOT THE REAL WORLD, every meal prepared housing, electricity, internet, all taken care or. Oh how i miss those days.

Real spit though i got so much going on in my life at the moment and I dont know how to use this journal to best express those things.

1) My Girlfriend- enough said
2) School- I need a thesis topic and to begin researching- two possibilities
a) indigenous rights
b) or illegal human trafficking for sexual purposes
I'm leaning towards (b). Let me know if you have any thoughts

3) Basketball- I'm coaching little kids who I have a blast doing it but to no fault of there own they are not the population that I really want to coach, in that they are affluent. What an odd feeling, and where does that come from? Is it more noble to work with kids from impoverished communities? I'd say so, but then again why do I feel entitled to enter those communities and work for them. Is it a recognition that I can enter and should embrace that privilege, especially as one who grew up amongst an impoverished community. Really I have an oppurtunity here, to work with any population I want, but for the first time I have to seek out the impoverished community rather than starting there as I have and trying to break into the elite society. Its like from going from the city of Pomona to Pomona College I established myself as a person with ties to all the privileges that go to a prestigious university or college and now don't see myself as a poor kid workin hard to break into the rich kids club. Thats a first for me, I have this new feeling of having money but with it comes a complete change in how I define myself. I've always taken pride in being poor, because I knew I could achieve anything. Now I achieve something that gives me some money this scholarship and now I'm unsure how to define myself. I'm like a rapper who signs a record deal, do I lose all legitimacy now that I'm paid. Am I so departed from my community that I can't go back? I doubt that and would hate that if that was the case, but its just odd knowing on which side of the fence I'll lie. I guess the best thing is that I know with this new echelon of privilege I've pushed my way into I can actually begin to challenge this segment of the population to discuss why I shouldn't be painted as an example of the American Dream- one person overcoming odds- but rather one person who can see the odds and see why it screws thousands of people daily. OK squash that rant

This list may also reflect the first time basketball was not my first priority, another departure from how I've defined myself in the past. But thats another conversation.