I recently went through a bout of being down. The emotional high I experienced in Fiji was immediately dampered by a stark look at myself here in New Zealand. I came here to run basketball camps. I've done some coaching, mostly at affluent schools, but realize when I won this scholarship this is not what I envisioned. What I envisioned was what I experienced in Cape Town, no scratch that what I experienced in Khaylitsha, a township banished to the outskirts of the city. A place close enough to have people come into the city and work if their labor was needed, but far enough for those in the city to be ignored.

Well it was on a visit with Hoops4Hope that I realized that basketball was a legitimate way to visit these places and offer something I love to people who have basically been ignored, been pushed to the side, been stripped of oppurtunity. I realize that basketball is a way to offer people something more than what they had before. The previous sentence sounds simplistically stupid, I know I've read it four times already, but recognize that I know basketball isn't going to change the systematic oppression a population faces, yet it can be a channel that can be utilized to build confidence and maybe even community. So I repeat, that basketball way is a way to offer people something more than they had before. I know sport can provide confidence for an individual who rarely recieves compliments and provide a sense of community that has otherwise been mangled by alcohol and violence. However, Rotary did not send me to South Africa, I don't have the oppurtunity to work in Soweto, instead I am in Ponsonby, New Market and Papakura. I recognize that there is work to be done, there is always work to be done, but I also recognize my ability, and that I can put myself in positions that most cannot.

I enjoy as much privilege as anyone. I am white-male-hetero-sexual-english speaking-catholic and tall. I mean what more could I possibly ask for. I fall out of bed and know that I'm not going to be made fun of for the way I speak, not going to be touched in a manner I don't want to be, not going to be feared by the people I walk by. Its with this privilege that I still struggle to understand daily, that I recognize my whole life I've lived very selfishly. I rarely care for persons more than I care for myself. I've been focused entirely on improving my lot. Some would applaud saying I am driven and I would not disagree. However, I am now beginning to realize the people I may have ignored, because I wasn't sure I had enough to help. The friends I ignored when they attempted to share something with me that they had rarely shared before, but I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't even hear them. I saw this scholarship as finally my chance to legitimize the motto I have lived much of my life by, "I will help people once I have a means to help them. I can choose to help people now and offer them peanuts or I can further myself and offer them steak." I only now realize the fallaciousness of this argument. You can't choose to help people later. You either help them then or you don't. Choosing not to help in certain instances hasn't allowed me to focus more on myself and gain more personally. It's only made me selfish. I could help others and still further myself. It may not be easy, but you can do whatever you want. That doesn't mean you can dunk if you are 5'2", it means that you can play basketball and go to school. I played basketball in college and went to school. I don't even think its really an achievement, but people always ask, how did you find time? Well easy I played basketball from 4:00 to 7:00 and then had the other 21 hours to do everything else. My studies didn't suffer because I had a three hour a day time commitment. Just like they wouldn't have suffered if I listened to my friend just a little bit closer instead of listening to the song playing in the background.

My chance to help people is now. My chance to help people will hopefully be later as well. I even hope I am a better position with more resources at my disposal when I help people in my future, but I know now that it is my time to do what I can do. The time is now. As D-Hubb said, "Stop bein a spectator, get in the game." I may not be in South Africa, but I can do work here. I can also look for oppurtunities in the future to do more work. Helping is both now and later, just make sure you're doing something now because your kidding yourself if you say oh I'll do it later. HOLLA